


You Are Light

by ContrivedCircus



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, M/M, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 22:18:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13086540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ContrivedCircus/pseuds/ContrivedCircus
Summary: If you grasp a light that is bright enough, can you scare away the night?





	You Are Light

The night shrouds,   
                           ponders,

_  drowns _ . 

It suffocates, it breathes life, it shatters bones and shakes resolve.    
His expression rests in stone, bits chiseled away day-by-day, job-by-job. The moon laughs at him, it points to the stars and has them join in. The world taunts him, the place where he belongs- taunts him.

If he were left here alone, would he be absorbed by the background? Would the galaxies take pity and offer him a place among them? Would the milky way fight its way to the forefront, pointing out his place within their light? All that light which hides the black hole he belongs in, all that brightness, blinding him.   
Each nebula with its extended hand, shines brighter than he ever could. The stars around snicker,   
_ the forest for the trees, _ _   
_ __                                      the forest for the trees .   
He knows, he has always known. The brightness blinds him so he will not see the darkness within. The darkness already swallowing him.   
  
Knuckles shine white, a flurry of motion followed by another completed duty. The hand on his shoulder feels heavy, the empty eyes mirroring his own.   
“You hesitated.”    
  
Killua’s eyes drop, his gaze is a void, all around him is laughter. The hand on his shoulder tightens, though he makes no move to break from beneath it. The laughter kept him in place, the hands extended from the sky frighten him. He doesn’t want to fall into the black holes. He doesn’t know where they go, if he can return, if he’ll ever see that blinding light again.    
  
A nod works its way from the boy, his clammy hands shoving deep into his hoodie pocket.    
“I’m sorry.”    
  
The grip is lighter for a moment, Killua’s heart thumps, blood rushing through his body at speeds far quicker than usual. He is frightened, he recognizes this feeling. He’s frightened of the person beside him, of the galaxies above, of the black hole within.    
Could he escape his own black hole? Could he tear it out of him with two desperate hands? Could he tear himself wide enough to fix the mistakes tangling up his insides?   
  
What if he could grasp a light bright enough to frighten away the black hole inside of him? What if that light could untangle the mess and calm his pounding heart?   
  
“Do better next time. I won’t always be here to help you.”   


Illumi’s hand is removed, but the sensation is like rotting flesh. His shoulder feels hot, too hot, it’s on fire, it’s too much, it’s flooding him with more emptiness.

He can’t take this much longer. It’s too dark.

Icy blue eyes draw up long enough to help him follow Illumi, who is now walking away from him. They were to return him, but the ceiling is melting away. He’s falling.

One clammy hand extends from his pocket, slowly reaching out for Illumi as he falls into the void. The elder merely pauses, watching Killua’s panicked descent with an expressionless face.    
“You hesitated.”   
  


He’s screaming, this is the void. Silence pounds against his head, beating his body until purplish bruises appear. This is his black hole, this is the darkness inside of him that he can’t escape from, this is everything disgusting about his inability to find his place. 

The air is gone from his lungs, desperate hands claw at his throat, his eyes wide with fear and panic. 

This isn’t what he wants. He just wanted a chance.

_                                                                                         Please… _

When can he grasp his own light?

When can he drown this darkness within him, when can he take a hand extended from the galaxies without fearing the black hole hidden within? He wanted to trust the light, right now, he wanted to be smothered by it. 

    Where had the Sun gone?

Ah…

Ah… that’s it…

The Sun… is gone…

The fingers clawing at his throat begin to slow, his descent feels slower somehow, the silence feels less painful. 

“Killua!”   
  
The voice cuts through the silence, attacking him from all sides. 

_ Warm. _

“Killua! Are you coming? I want to race!”    
  
His body feels heavy, lead coats his limbs, but he fights to look behind him, desperate to feel more of this warmth, this familiarity that called to him.   
  
“Come on!”   
  
The darkness brightens somehow, the heavy weight of his limbs feeling lessened. This is what he’d been searching for, this warmth.

Reaching out, Killua feigns for a grasp of hope, he feigns for the tiniest thread to pull him from this void, to save him from his own black hole.    
The darkness feels cold against his skin, the silence beginning to thrum against his ears again. What if the warmth is gone?   
  
Has it abandoned him?   
What will he do now? What will he do? The galaxies and the stars, they are silent, he is alone.   
The Zoldyck’s hand falters, despair bringing new growth to the black-hole, it’s even colder now.   
  
“There you are!”   
  
A touch so bright it feels warm wraps around his wrist. This light is so bright, it’s too bright for him to look at directly.   
  
“Let’s go, You’re going to make us late!”    
  
He’s moving, he’s being pulled, where are they going? This light, where is it taking him?    
“If I win the race, then you owe me dinner. I want a burger!”    
  
Killua’s eyes stare down at the hand wrapped around his wrist, the tanned skin roughly juxtapose his own pale skin. This hand doesn’t feel clammy and afraid, it feels warm, happy, it feels like something he can trust, it feels like the light bright enough to disperse his black hole, to give him a reason again.

****  
Around him, the void deconstructs. Blackness tears before dispersing into a mist chased away by the wind. It’s a sunny day outside, the sky is blue, the clouds are fluffy. The boy holding onto him smiles, sending a burst of warmth throughout Killua’s body. Can he hold this? This happiness… Can he grasp this warmth… this light… for just a little longer? Can he chase away the cold?   
  
“Gon…”   



End file.
